The one thing that is virtually guaranteed from a dominant relationship – especially one in which spanking is involved – is talking. Instead of stifling communication, taking a woman in hand causes communication to flourish.
Where communication has existed, it causes a depth of communication that was never there before. In time, even the deepest secrets emerge and disappear in the manner of Hollywood ghosts exposed to the rays of the rising sun. Chatty talk, even nervous prattle that does little more than fill an empty void, becomes a revealing of the soul. It is perhaps the ultimate liberating experience in marriage.
My DH and I were talking this evening while lying in bed about how much more intimacy we are feeling with this new lifestyle and how much more communicating we do on MANY levels.
I also realized how much more open and straightforward and honest I am forcing myself to be with him due to my choice of submission to him.
And how much more rewarding this type of relationship is than sitting around rotting our brains in front of the mass hypnotizer we call TV. I would much rather spend my evening tending to his needs and building him up by whatever means, than sit around staring into mindless oblivion.
Can't say being dominated has stopped either of us wanting to watch TV. We are both still keen on certain programmes (though not always the same ones). There is a limit, after all, to how much time you can spend talking, especially about feelings, emotions etc, which can get to be a terrible drag after a while. You need a bit of light relief. . I usually wrench the remote control away from the children at 5.30 so I can watch '3rd Rock' and 'Minder', then He who Must Be Obeyed usually watches Time Team or Local heroes or something like that, or maybe a film (there are even a few films we both like to watch). We find TV a relaxer rather than a hypnotiser.
The change in our relationship hasn't made any real difference to the amount of TV we watch - I still watch practically nothing, and my husband watches a bit more. The main difference is that he now feels far more comfortable in banishing me from the front room when CSI or CSI: Miami is on and he wants to watch it in peace!
"There is nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so" Hamlet, somewhere.
I wasn't meaning that watching TV is bad, it's just that so many people in today's society seem to just come home from work, eat, and plop in their recliners in front of the TV reguardless of what is on until they fall asleep.
DH and I still watch TV. We have a few shows that we watch regularly (or record for later viewing) and we both enjoy car racing and football and an occasional movie.
It's just that now, we don't just mindlessly flip through channels until we find something moderately entertaining and sit there for the rest of the evening.
We now talk more, and I'll share with him interesting things about our lifestyle that I have come accross on the web. And we spend a whole lot more time cuddling with each other that we have since we first moved in together. We share our days with each other, and I get a much better idea of what his general stressors are.
AND I want to know these things now, whereas before, I would go around 'in my own headspace' and not enquire unless I could tell something was really bothering him.
Last night, as we were cuddling he told me that when he had pulled in the parking lot of work he stopped and looked at the two buildings (of the company he works for) and thought to himself that there wasn't one person in the 800+ people that work on that campus that was as loved (or getting more) than he was. So he walked into work with a big grin on his face for the day. What better way for the man to start his day than to be able to do something like this. It makes me feel wonderful that I am able to do this for him.
I would agree that being dominated has made us more communicative, we are more open about telling each other things etc. I don't talk a great deal about things on this site because I don't think he's that interested, except in so far as it provides me with an amusement. His interests are mainly practical, talking about relationships etc isn't really his thing. When he gets a distant, thoughtful look in his eye I know he isn't thinking about relationships or anything, he's thinking about how his latest piece of engineering work is going, or about the repairs he needs to do to the boat or something. That was a very sweet thing your husband said to you about nobody else at work being as loved as he was. My husband was always convinced I was going to leave him when our oldest son was grown up, he told me once that was why he was so pleased we'd had another two children rather late in the day. I think now he knows I wouldn't even if we didn't have the kids.
I cannot speak for anyone else, but the TV really has no place in our relationship but for something that amuses our daughter and of course a place to see the latest hockey score.
Yet I am lobbying for a plasma??
Since the beginning, Gary insists we have a nightly transition.
This is a time when our chores are done, I have done the bath and bed routine for our daughter and this is the only time I know that Gary watches TV.
I am required to join him once my commitments are done and it here alone, that gives so much substance to who we are, and my being taken in hand.
Once I join Gary in the living room every distraction is removed.
I am to focus on him and then we start to speak of our day, our thoughts and any problems we are thinking about.
Gary takes this time to touch me in gentle ways. He strokes my hair, or my neck and shoulders and soon has me purring under his touch and gaze. It's a chance to speak of tomorrow and anything we need to prepare for.
But mostly it is a place to empty my mind of worries and concerns and for Gary to either share what he wants to share, or to put me at peace.
At times he finds out things I had no desire to tell him but plagued me otherwise.
And it mostly because once we are done, he wants to take me to the bedroom where I am free to focus solely on him and any desires he has. Or if it is mainly to sleep, then my mind is clear for that.
But we spend each evening doing this, minus his traveling, and in the years going on 6 now, the TV has no role in 'us'.
I know that not all couples want or desire this type of bonding, but for us it's an important ritual that I would find hard pressed to stop.......
